i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
