I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
