Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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