you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
