Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
