Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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