so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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