that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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