So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just had sex bonerless
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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