i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
