Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
