I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
