The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
