So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just pee around me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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