The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
