Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
