We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We smell like vodka and hangover
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