I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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