Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Small penises have feelings too.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
