I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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