I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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