the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
