So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
