I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
