no, he came in my armpit
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
