my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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