last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
