So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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