we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
