ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
