The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
