i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
