i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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