Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
