Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
