How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize