My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
