We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Text me some of your sweat
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
