Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
