It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
