you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
