just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize