my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize