During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
