First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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