that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
