New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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