girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
