I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize