I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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