She said her name was "party"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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