I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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