My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
