I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
