She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
