im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
