There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
