Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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