Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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