I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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