i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
