he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
