Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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