it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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