apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
