you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
