My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
