Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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