I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Alive.
So much puke
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
