oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
