look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
