Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
